Ngopi

[Pics courtesy of my brother; he who must not be named bahaha]

Located at Kangar, the shop lots opposite The Store, but the row behind. Everything is under RM 10 if I’m not mistaken, or at least what we ordered earlier this evening were. The place isn’t spacious, seats are limited. But the ambience was okay, the foods were nice, and the premium chocolate drinks were urgh, so good. For a small, newly opened corner lot coffee shop, I rated Ngopi 4 ★. The other ★ I reserve for when they expand.

We had;

Garlic chicken panini

Smokey beef ciabatta

Honey mustard chicken croissant

Hot and iced chocs

Iced matcha lattè

Don’t ask me the diff between panini or ciabatta (I even called it chewbaba) or croissant. To me, everything is bread.

Pastries: Sultana and almond bar (not a fan of pastries but my nephews said they were good, you can trust them cause they’re picky and honest)

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I wish,

I’m not as self destructive as I can be some times.

I will,

No longer be that.

THE END OF AN ERA

Sounded too dramatic but at least that’s what I feel about this whole finishing master (finally) thingy. Assalamualaikum and I hope 2018 has been kind to everyone, as it did for me. In case you didn’t know already, I have officially submitted my final copies of thesis to my uni Jan 17th, 2018; 4 years 5 months after I registered. I can’t thank God enough for allowing this to happen, and I can’t thank so many people enough too for their sacrifices and help be it financially or emotionally. All in all, it was one hell of a journey and thank you everyone who has been directly or indirectly helpful and kind to me.

I made it very clear that this was not easy, heck it wasn’t, and I’m not really at a stage where I can feel ultimate happiness yet after my father’s death, but it was a nice, of course mixed, feeling, to finally be able to walk out of the Institute of Postgraduate Studies with four papers in my hand, conforming I’ve submitted. I will need to wait for senate approval but as of now, I am as free as I could ever be. Lots of headaches will come soon, what with applying for job, earning, paying loans and bills, take over my late father’s car, spoiling loved ones, spoiling myself haha, discovering moreeee things, being adult. 

Oh, adult. I have been one ages ago but I guess the moment I’m done with my studies, I need to be a real adult who is responsible, sophisticated, calm and compose, sharp, oh there’s apparently a lot of adult qualities one needs to possess. But let’s just start with finding a job first, k? Anyway, I’m spending my time at my sister’s at the moment. The nephew got sick. That wasn’t my reason of coming here though. I just thought that after this, I won’t be able to come here as often as I used or liked to because urm, being adult equals no more free weekdays hahaha. My uni was 3.5 hours away from my sister’s, and KL with the traffic is like 9, so urm, no thank you. We see each other when they come to KL lah later. The kids have been fun (and crazy!). But it’s all love and with love, you can deal with loads of crazy things.

There’s a gazillion things I’m going to (or already are) miss. Most of them are little things that keep me sane, like teatime at the mamak, late night nasi lemak trip to another mamak, late night ice cream trip to McD, late night drive with my friends going to places and just making turns and talk a lot, like a  lot. Those adhoc decisions to ditch work and go outing. Those horror movies we watched and I might or might not have hurt my friends when the ghost came out. Discussing our negative results, making fun of it, crying together and then go to pasar malam for ayam goreng uncle best. Oh, my uni life revolved around food so much (but my real life also not much different tehee). I have so many things to write about. This blog is my place for all things high and low, but it’s been very, extremely, crazily busy these past few months (or laziness kicked in way too many times). But I promise to keep on updating (and not deleting) religiously this year, just to really document one year of my life. Good luck, Kiah. Write again later my sister’s awake.

 

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Started new year with a flight to Penang, hot chocolate and this poetry book my sister belanja.

 

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This girl needs to;

  1. Lose weight
  2. Lose weight
  3. Lose weight
  4. Job
  5. Take care of my bad, bad skin
  6. Spoil my mom
  7. Be very happy

Thank you for reading, whoever and wherever you are!

THE END, OF MY VERY COLOURFUL (and painful) MASTER JOURNEY.

 

REMEMBER

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If there’s one thing I love about my roller coaster, tough, expensive, mentally challenging and physically draining master journey is..

how I get to re-connect with The Most Merciful, Most Kind.

It has been one veryyyyy long phase, it has been tiring, but it still is somewhat amazing too. I hope I will always, always remember to be grateful and to thank Allah SWT for even the littlest blessing because without this feeling of security that He is watching over me, I am nothing. There were days I really didn’t want to go on anymore, days I cried for hours and slept with tears streaming down my face, nights that felt too lonely, gloomy evenings, and hungry afternoons. But there were also beautiful days filled with kindness, good food, laughter, new knowledge and skills, iced chocolate, the sea, loving people and blissful feelings. So every time I feel down, I allow myself to cry. I would cry my heart out sometimes for no absolute reason. It does make me feel lighter. I do not believe in suppressing your emotions  so it would make you stronger, that is just a plain bs. Celebrate your feelings but remember, you must also realise there are more to life and more to you. You are important. Even if you feel differently, I promise there’s someone out there that loves you and would always cheer for you. The world can be harsh sometimes but the world can also be a kind place. We all have had that moment we wanted to shut ourselves from the world, its okay. Cry, take a deep breath and when you’re ready, open your window again. Feel the cool breeze touching your face, feel the sun lighting your skin, feel the love that is there for you.

You are loved. You are kind. You are meaningful. Remember that. 

 

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

The bruises are dark blue and green,

making silly shapes on your pale skin.

Your eyes are black and deep,

and your lips are dry,

It has been a while, has not it?

from the last time I heard you sang.

It was, I remember,

the most beautiful voice that echoed that Thursday night.

The stars on the sky were dancing to your tunes,

and I believed the moon did too.

You were dancing,

and glowing so bright,

I received a portion of your light too.

That was the night,

the night when you were happy.

I am sorry for not coming home too long I have missed lending you my shoulder.

I have not had the chance and I knew I should have made more efforts so I could be there when you fall.

But I am here now,

I am home.

You have not had the light shines on your skin and your then sparkling eyes have missed the sun.

I do not know what runs and keeps tangling in your head but let me–

let me help you untangle them,

even if it will take so long,

even if I get hurt too,

we will do it somehow,

the untangling of your tangled mind.

I do not know how you have became this broken,

but invite me–

invite me into your foreign kingdom,

and together,

we will plant flowers on your deserted island.

You have been drowning alone for so long,

so take my hand this time,

let us swim to the shore and breathe.

You are not alone, darling.

You are not and you will never be but please–

allow me in.

Together, you and I–

we will be, alright. Not amazing, but alright.

And that for me, is more than fine.

 

THE TRUTH IS

I haven’t gotten over my father’s death.

I haven’t watched P. Ramlee’s movies because they remind me of abah. I can’t watch Kungfu Panda because then I would remember how much he loved this one too. I can’t look at things he used to love when he was here without breaking a little first, and a lot at night.

I don’t know when, or will I ever,

but I do hope there will come a day when at the memory of my abah, I would have stopped hurting so much.

The blue sky was so beautiful today, boh. And I pray, wherever you are now, you are in a greater place.