MENYELAMATKAN DIRI

[Image: pinterest]

Aku harus menulis, untuk kekal mengasihi hidup aku harus.

Kau takkan pernah mengjangkakan kehidupan yang teruji, bukan?

Di hari semalam, hari ini yang kau bayangkan ialah hari yang mengujakan, manis, dipenuhi kasih sayang, kejayaan dan kehidupan yang lapang.

Tapi begitu janji Tuhan, tak ada yang tak teruji kerana hakikat yang kita lupa, seluruh hidup ini pinjaman dan ujian cuma.

Kau akan merasai pahit yang membuat matamu basah semalaman, dan hatimu akan dilitup gundah dan sayu.

Kau melihat awan dan kau merasa sendiri.

Hari2 ini akan membuatkan kau tertunduk, duduk dan menangis.

Air mata percuma

Tapi kau harus ingat–

Tidak ada yang kekal kecuali Tuhan.

Bagaimana gembira berganti pahit, yang perit juga akan berlalu.

Matahari akan tetap terbit, dan kau harus bersedia meninggalkan gelap semalam demi meraikan cahaya.

Tak ada yang mampu diubah lagi tentang hari lalu.

Hiduplah hari yang masih diberi, tanamkan hasil yang baik2.

Semoga esok sampai hari menuai, kita peroleh kekayaan abadi.

Sunyi, pergilah.

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KELABU

Langit kelabu,

Sesuram hati aku.

Setelah tiga belas bulan, kau fikir kau tak akan sesak mengenangnya lagi.

Tapi hari ini, kau harus memujuk diri dan menepuk bahu sendiri.

Jika kau tanyakan tentang hatiku, dan bagaimana keberadaannya, aku cuma mampu membalas–

Ia tak sama lagi.

Kehilangan, akan membawa bersama sebahagian hatimu tujuh kaki ke dalam bumi.

Bagaimana kau cuba untuk membuktikan yang kau kuat dan mampu menerus hidup dan dengan izinNya kau diberi daya,

hati kau takkan serupa lagi.

Kita tahu kita akan pergi jua,

dan bukanlah aku menangis kerana marahkan takdir yang tertulis oleh Yang Agung,

aku cuma rindu..

Kalaupun kau tidak mengenal sunyi ini, jangan diajuk hitam kelopak mataku.

Kelak kau jua akan merasai rindu begini, dan ketika itu, kau akan memandang mataku dan akhirnya– kau akan mengerti.

[Ihsan gambar: pinterest]

WILD ONES

[Image: pinterest]

You want roses but I’m wild and free. My petals are not made of velvety silk but I could braze tough weathers. The wind would not shake me off my stand, and I kiss the rain the way I would kiss the sun. I can be soft, fierce and determined. I’m not something you can grow in a pot and feed everyday. I’m not meant to grow in your lawn, I’m bound to be careless and free, wild and brave, strong and unapologetic.

THE END OF AN ERA

Sounded too dramatic but at least that’s what I feel about this whole finishing master (finally) thingy. Assalamualaikum and I hope 2018 has been kind to everyone, as it did for me. In case you didn’t know already, I have officially submitted my final copies of thesis to my uni Jan 17th, 2018; 4 years 5 months after I registered. I can’t thank God enough for allowing this to happen, and I can’t thank so many people enough too for their sacrifices and help be it financially or emotionally. All in all, it was one hell of a journey and thank you everyone who has been directly or indirectly helpful and kind to me.

I made it very clear that this was not easy, heck it wasn’t, and I’m not really at a stage where I can feel ultimate happiness yet after my father’s death, but it was a nice, of course mixed, feeling, to finally be able to walk out of the Institute of Postgraduate Studies with four papers in my hand, conforming I’ve submitted. I will need to wait for senate approval but as of now, I am as free as I could ever be. Lots of headaches will come soon, what with applying for job, earning, paying loans and bills, take over my late father’s car, spoiling loved ones, spoiling myself haha, discovering moreeee things, being adult. 

Oh, adult. I have been one ages ago but I guess the moment I’m done with my studies, I need to be a real adult who is responsible, sophisticated, calm and compose, sharp, oh there’s apparently a lot of adult qualities one needs to possess. But let’s just start with finding a job first, k? Anyway, I’m spending my time at my sister’s at the moment. The nephew got sick. That wasn’t my reason of coming here though. I just thought that after this, I won’t be able to come here as often as I used or liked to because urm, being adult equals no more free weekdays hahaha. My uni was 3.5 hours away from my sister’s, and KL with the traffic is like 9, so urm, no thank you. We see each other when they come to KL lah later. The kids have been fun (and crazy!). But it’s all love and with love, you can deal with loads of crazy things.

There’s a gazillion things I’m going to (or already are) miss. Most of them are little things that keep me sane, like teatime at the mamak, late night nasi lemak trip to another mamak, late night ice cream trip to McD, late night drive with my friends going to places and just making turns and talk a lot, like a  lot. Those adhoc decisions to ditch work and go outing. Those horror movies we watched and I might or might not have hurt my friends when the ghost came out. Discussing our negative results, making fun of it, crying together and then go to pasar malam for ayam goreng uncle best. Oh, my uni life revolved around food so much (but my real life also not much different tehee). I have so many things to write about. This blog is my place for all things high and low, but it’s been very, extremely, crazily busy these past few months (or laziness kicked in way too many times). But I promise to keep on updating (and not deleting) religiously this year, just to really document one year of my life. Good luck, Kiah. Write again later my sister’s awake.

 

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Started new year with a flight to Penang, hot chocolate and this poetry book my sister belanja.

 

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This girl needs to;

  1. Lose weight
  2. Lose weight
  3. Lose weight
  4. Job
  5. Take care of my bad, bad skin
  6. Spoil my mom
  7. Be very happy

Thank you for reading, whoever and wherever you are!

THE END, OF MY VERY COLOURFUL (and painful) MASTER JOURNEY.

 

HEAL

al and me

Life is surely unpredictable. It is fast paced and always changing. You will meet so many people, significant or not. Their presence might or might not have any impact on your life. But I do believe that the friends we choose to keep have different range of colours that help to paint our life. Alone, we can be very dull sometimes. We might argue from time to time, but at the end of the day when we have to say our temporary good bye before seeing each other again, we should always say it with our hearts content. Without this person, without this friendship, your life might be different. We scold each other, but it is never with the intention to hurt. We would ask for forgiveness, and bid each other with smiles on our faces. We plan, and Allah plans. And He is the best of planner.

I pray only for goodness to come your way, Al. May He lift the sickness off from you, and may you come back stronger, healthier and much, much better. You didn’t plan for this because you’re already so close to finishing, but there’s a beauty in this too. Most probably, God is sending you home for a while because He knows, deep down, you really miss your family and they miss you too.

And when I am ill, it is [God] who cures me.”
(Ash-Shu’ara (The Poets: 26:80) (A supplication of Prophet Abraham)

[link here]