#5

Can’t help but feel Gosh my head is huge! 

I uploaded this on my instagram for 3 minutes before deleting it. I wanted to be vain but then the embarrassment kicked in hahaha. But I have to credit my sister for her patience (and passion) on doing my brows because after all these years, she’s the only one who could handle them.

She uses ONE brush for everything. Not kidding. The same brush she used to apply the foundation, was also the same brush she used for contouring, the blusher, the eyes -___-‘, the highlights. Wow I’m talking make up jargon I feel so girly. I actually like it when people play with my face, and hair woohoo. I feel so sleepy instantly.

This post has no point but you know, I’m not going to upload post with purpose only from now on bahaha. I miss the rambling me more than ever especially after reading through my old blog. I dumped every feeling there and when I read them again, I felt so happy. I had so many amazing moments in my life and they are not always happy stuff you see. I am glad I jotted them down somewhere because they serve as a reminder that life can be all sorts of things and even though I felt like I couldn’t make it back then, I did it. Of course they don’t sound academical at all but ahh, I sounded academical way too much the past four years in real life bahaha I think I can be whatever I want online.

Night!

and then my sister told me she spent one hour doing my face so I immediately uploaded the photo again hahaha.

Mix. What number is my #?

I think my blog’s been sounding too sad these days. Of course, I still cry whenever I miss my dad, but my life isn’t that sad. A lot of things happened. Time doesn’t pause for anyone so I guess I just have to keep moving–broken or not.

So here’s a random update. Macam dah lama tak menulis tanpa hala tuju spesifik. Menulis simply because I want to tulis hahaha.

I tried MRT for the first time after returning from Png. Ride was smooth, wasn’t crowded, yet. I guess soon it’ll be. There was no space for parking the second time I tried to commute with MRT, so I drove straight to my usual train station which was 15 minutes away in smooth traffic. The MRT one is like, 3 minutes away. Hahaha

My sisters and I went to MyTown specifically for Kyochon, a Korean restaurant that is on another level for its super duper sedap nak mampuih fried chicken! I am a picky eater I tell you, I don’t change my orders. In Korean restaurant, I would always go for Dol Sot Bibimbap, or Kimchi fried rice. I like soy bean paste soup and miso soup ohh miso is nice! The rest like japchae, cold buckwheat noodles, jajangmyun  I don’t even know the correct spelling–I did try, but of course my palate said no. In Ichiban Ramen, the only thing I ever tried and will always order from years ago until now is Japanese fried rice, or Japanese fried rice set HAHAHAHA. Sushi is a big no. I don’t even like chicken chop, lamb chop all this chop chop. I’d go with spaghetti. Or at Murni where they serve a variety of fancy western foods, I would always order chicken tandoori nan cheese.

Oh wow.. I am really not adventurous at all. And how on earth I went from Kyochon’s fried chicken to nan cheese? I amused myself sometimes. Dah la, tengok gambar jelah. 

I so cool I noe. More like aunty2 je hahaha.

Kyochon has crossword puzzle to keep you occupied. I didn’t even try the first time I had Kyochon in Gurney, but because my 4th sister was there and suddenly we became kiasu. We got the answers except for 2 questions. She googled one back home, and we’re left with one. Must come back to keep our kiasu-ness satisfied.

THE. BEST. FRIED. CHICKEN. EVER. NO. KIDDING!

They should make it illegal to serve chicken this good… The Kimchi fried rice was good but not the best, but the chicken in the middle is loveeeee. The other chicken dish was spicy chicken I forgot the name and that one was really spicy like wadehek podeh gila. 

The youngest in the family who persuaded me to join them for Kyochon. I was asleep and I treasure my sleep, guys. I get really cranky when my sleep is disturbed. I said no at first because sleep is gold but Kyochon’s fried chicken is love so that evening, love won.

My sister bought these from Typo and my heart jumped. I didn’t ask for pens I would usually take chances when she offers books, but she bought this simply because I love pens. Oh I do.

She just got her pay so she forced us to splurge also, her money. I don’t even understand this but she made sure adek and me left Kaison with something. So I bought that rainy paperbag hahaha and adek got the notebook. I also got pens from Muji ohh their pens are soooo nice because the head is like 0.38,  I mean saiz mata pen la senang aku nak tulis dekat planner. Planner pun satu kecik sangat kotak2 nya isy. And a clear file. Of course we need to get our files from Muji #flipfile

The funniest purchase from that day was definitely those two glittery paper bags. I asked my sister why did she want it? If it has a purpose or not? Her answer cracked me up…

‘They’re too pretty and they look like Aurora’s dress so hurry up take the blue and pink ones for me’. Aurora is Sleeping Beauty’s birth name by the way…

This was when I was still in Png, reconciling love with my ex and Queensbay hahaha. Dave’s deli lasagne is also loveee. I don’t say I love you to any guy before except my late dad, but I’ve been saying it to so many foods already.

Ending this random post with a picture of me at my favourite alley, if you can even call it that way hahaha. Aku selalu rasa tempat ni cantik, tapi Siang Yu takda bakat tangkap gambar kahkahkah. Aku pernah kena gigit dengan serangga apa ntah, allergic reaction naik gegata satu badan lepastu muka bengkak hahaha bongok. 

I should start with my corrections, but ah…

tomorrow lah.

Bye!

VIVA VOCE

was awful.

But I’ve made it out alive, a lil bit heart broken, but ah, what’s done is done. So you guys learn from me, okay? NEVER PURSUE MASTER.   Ops sorry wrong advise. Never do things the last minute and be a millionaire before you pursue always have plans and stick to them! Always know when to stop and move on and have courage to speak up before it’s too late. Make sure you have sufficient time to produce a good thesis. Make sure you stop doing all your lab work and focus solely on writing because it sucks doing both. Make sure you check every word, every line, every paragraph, every page, basically everything.

I can’t change my past, I don’t even have the luxury to change anything one second ago but you guys can learn from me. Master is tough, the beginning was hard but the end was harder so yeah, I’m building muscles. Nonetheless, it was a journey to remember, just the journey not the viva I want to forget my viva I need to take pills. I’ve had the chance to learn and re-learn a lot of things, made friends with the coolest ones, shared fragments of silly and happy memories, hit some milestones, lost hairs, grey hairs, going quarterly bald, migraine attacks gazillion times, collected enough fats to survive Antarctica ohh the list goes on!

God, my journey doesn’t sound very appealing hahaha. No lah, by all means pursue if you want. Like all things in life, it has both the beautiful and the uglier sides hahaha. I’ve passed my viva with major corrections and it’s no shame telling it loud, I’ve shared so many random things about my journey and I feel like I owe it to you guys especially my #gengmakan and those who are kind enough not to unfriend me whenever I wrote a lengthy post ranting on my studies. Taking this opportunity to formally, ahem, thank everyone who’s been with me all this while I don’t think they have a choice I forced them to stay. I know some have silently followed me and prayed for me, whilst others generously lent their ears and money, so thank you. Thank you. The most important ones I already wrote in my thesis so no need mentioning also they should know who they are lah. 

I guess it’s FINALLY time to grow up, earn money, and pay my puluh2 ribu loans hahaha *nervous laugh*. It was all good in the end. Made it woohoo!

 

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I’m still alive but I’m barely breathingg #dramatic

[The night after viva, I received a call from Abah’s number. I felt my heart stopped. My mom was calling me using Abah’s phone because Abah had so much credit balance. How I wish. How I wish I could.

Boh, Kiah LULUS! ]

#1

I was somehow mad because I thought people did not get it. Forcing me to stop being sad, to not think about it too much, to get it over with and move on. It was not their fault that they did not understand, the one who died that night was my father not theirs. I cannot blame them for only knowing the rhythm of my laugh but not my tears. They do not know how to deal with sadness, but they are trying. And I think I like it that way. At the sound of abah, as how I used to address my father, I would teared up. My dad was my world and he was a brilliant listener. I am allowed to feel the way I feel because my dad was indeed someone who knew me very well. Some people came into your life and they took away pieces of you they never meant to return. You are also bound to remember all the little things and ache sometimes, but know that everything will pass. Like how happiness come and go, sadness will behave similarly as well. Nothing would ever prepare you for this. Losing your loved one is by far the most excruciating pain you could ever taste. Cry when you want, it is okay to feel sad. Remember them, they were a part of your life and you are not made to forget important people just like that. A lot of things will remind you of them, from the smell of the rain to the sight of their favourite dessert I know, but darling, life goes on.

Do not feel pressured to let go. Take the memories with you. When you feel sad, talk about it. If no one wants to listen or no one knows what to say, write them down. Write them down like me. Blank pages are sad people’s best friend. And eventually, I hope, things will–albeit slowly, get better.

After all, life means so much more because you know it is going to end someday. One day, it will be my time to go. And when it comes, I want to be remembered, if I get that at all, in decently fun ways.

Better days are coming, love. Take care.