It’s raining right now. It’s the rainy season in Penang. Days become cold and gloomy. The sky a constant grey. This brings back my memory from when I was 9.
It was a rainy evening. My little sister who was 8 and I had school till late evening. I remember feeling so worried in class. When it rains, how could my sister and I walk to our school bus later? It was a heavy one, and we would be soaked. The bell rang, it was time to go home. My class was on the third floor and my sister on the second’s. I waited for her at the staircase and we went down together with hundreds of our peers. I was still worried.
And then I saw her, amongst the crowd of committed parents waiting for their kids with umbrella right in front of the staircase at the ground level, stood my beautiful, amazing mother. I was so relieved.
My mom, did not want us to get wet, carried us one by one in her arms. The rain was so heavy, it was ankle deep for her. Her shoes and clothes were soaked, but it didn’t matter, as long as we stay dry. I remember feeling so happy. My mom, carried me and put me down at the canteen. All three of us then walked to the other side, and if I’m not mistaken, she brought us one by one under her umbrella to our car, where my dad was waiting.
It was very rare, to have our abah pick us up from school. Abah was always busy, working his bones off to feed our big family. But that evening, both my parents were there.
This is one of the many fond memories I have growing up. I didn’t want to relive my childhood, it wasn’t amazing at all. But some fragments involving my parents, I keep very close to my heart.
I finished watching Reply 1988; a series with family, friendship, love and life values all together instilled in its 20 long episodes. I can’t help but cry so much today, feeling a very close connection to the story. And I can’t help but to cry for my parents.
Parents.. the moment their first child is born; their energy, their money, their time, their sacrifices–all devoted to their kids. They become selfless. They want us to be happy and healthy and if they could, they would trade places each time the kid gets sick. Parents are our ultimate blessings in this life. Their wrinkles tell stories of their hard work. Their deep, swollen eyes tell memories on their struggles. Their children’s well-beings become their priorities. They forget about their dreams as long as their children can live well. They might not have much but they wouldn’t hesitate a bit to give whatever they have. It must have been very painful, but for a parent, for the sake of their child, they can even move mountains.
My heart breaks a million pieces thinking about this. Oh how I miss my parents right now. How I miss my late abah. I tell my parents all the time I love them, I desperately hope they feel it in their hearts.. that they’re truly loved by me, and they are such rare gems, and there’s nothing more that I want in this life than for my parents, wherever they might be at this very moment, to be happy.
I regret growing up with so much hatred inside me. I regret growing up talking back. I regret those times I wasted being an ungrateful child. I regret the moments I hurt my parents with my words and actions. I regret them all.
But I don’t want to live like that anymore. My goals for 2018 are to work hard, pay my loans and spoil my parents. I would like to keep it as that, and I would try my best to reach them all, InsyaAllah.
One rainy evening seventeen years ago, I realised there was nothing that could beat our parents’ unconditional love for us. It was a very simple thing, but for a 9 year old me, that was truly wonderful. My parents picked me up from school. My mom carried me and my sister with our heavy school bag. My mom was (and still is) amazing.
Signing off, on a rainy evening seventeen years later, a lonely soul missing my parents, with swollen eyes from crying too much. Boh, I hope you’re doing great over there. Someday we will meet again. Ma, you are, and always will be, the one I love and want to cherish forever. You are so, so strong Mama. I couldn’t even be 10% of what you are. Thank you, I love you and I’m sorry.
‘When are you going back to school, Kiah?’ my dad asked.
‘School? I’m in a university now, Boh. Not in school anymore.’
‘Oh yes. I forget. You have grown up now, Kiah. How time flies. I always feel like you are still a little kid.‘ He said with a smile on his face, but a sad tone in his voice.
And before I even finished my master, he passed away. Someday, Boh. Someday we will all meet again, in a better place InsyaAllah.